I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
