Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i love accidental penises.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
