I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
