somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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