you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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