i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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