My room smells like vodka and shame
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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