I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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