i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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