I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
