I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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