Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
