If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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