The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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