Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
