So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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