I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
