my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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