she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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