Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
