For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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