And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
