What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
