she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
