why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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