There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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