Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
