3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
