dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
