Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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