Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
