i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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