I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We were destined to go to rehab together
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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