Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
