I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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