Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
