I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
