didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
