So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
