I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
