very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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