imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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