The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
