Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
