so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
