So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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