Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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