How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
