Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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