I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
