called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
