Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
