Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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